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5.) Bert Newton transcript

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Good Morning Australia – 19th April, 2004

Bert: Good Morning Australia. Welcome to the show on this Monday morning. Before we go any further I want you to have a look at this moment from the Logies last night please.

Clip of RM being interviewed by Lauren Newton (Bert Newton's daughter). Wow not a scarf or a poncho in sight. RM looks gorgeous (as usual).
Lauren: I know that you're on with my Dad in the morning and he's very much looking forward to seeing you again. You were great last time.
Ronn: I'm gonna rail him over this time. Boy I know what to expect from him.

Pans back to Bert who has a confused, puzzled expression on his face.
Pans to Ronn who has an innocent look on his face …. NOT. LOL!!!

Bert: Please explain!!! What exactly does that mean Mr Ronn Moss Double N Double S. (they shake hands) Good morning to you. Welcome back.
Ronn:  Good morning Bert.
Bert: So what?? You're going to rail me?? Is that some American term?
Ronn: Yeah. It's one of those little slangs that can mean pretty much anything and I was hoping you weren't going to bring that up.
Bert: Oh that's okay. I mean last time you were very happy with our repartee weren't you?
Ronn: Yeah but it's you know. Sometimes it kind of sparks the interest to let the people think that I'm gonna come and just like, you know, deteriorate the whole thing on the show.
Bert: (tongue in cheek) Yeah well you made a good start.
Ronn: Yeah. Yeah.
Bert: Okay how was last night for you.
Ronn: It was good. I was surprised at what you did.
Bert: What do you mean?
Ronn: Well I mean ..
Bert: What a way to say it. That's like the people who come backstage at the theatre show and say, Haha I saw you out there!!! And then say nothing else.
Ronn: Well I guess I just expected a little more dignity and stuff to what you did but I mean you're inclined to do what you do and you can have those moments too.
Bert: Where did I offend you? Where did I offend you because I know that Americans are very sensitive about any questionable material.
Ronn: You didn't offend me. You didn't do enough.
Bert: Oh I see. You wanted more.
Ronn: Yeah.
Bert: What sort of stuff did you want? I'll do it for you now.
Ronn: I don't know. I thought you were gonna like do the whole naked thing.
Bert: Yeah. No. Well speaking about that, After the show (Logies last night - Sunday) did you do the full naked thing? Or did you have a quiet night or you said you got 3 hours sleep you told me off air.
Ronn: Not in a row (Bert laughs)
Bert: Just tell me when the Logies cam down, which is a very theatrical term but that means when they finished, What did you do precisely after that? Just fill me in half hour by half hour.
Ronn: Ahhh!
Bert: Names by the way.
Ronn: I sort of had a couple of prospective people that I wanted to invite back to my room and all and by the time I got back to my room it had dwindled down to nobody.
Bert: Nobody.
Ronn: No.
Bert: So those 3 hours were all by yourself.
Ronn: I have a very heavy handed management team that kind of weeded everybody out so that I have absolutely no fun whatsoever.
Bert: What time did you get to bed?
Ronn: I haven't!
Bert: Well you've had 3 hours haven't you?
Ronn: Not in a row Bert (LOL)
Bert: Yeah (deadpan LOL) I tell you what. If this is railing, this is the dullest opening we've ever had. (Both Ronn Moss & Bert Newton bust up laughing.) It's great to have you here Ronn. We'll talk more in just a few moments' time. Bert introduces what will be on the rest of the show)

Bert: Please welcome officially Mr Ronn Moss. The think I wanted to mention was that I invariably have a look at the Bold and the Beautiful every afternoon at 4:30 because it's getting make up off time and the girls in make up love to watch it as you well know. But now when I watch it I don't only enjoy what you're doing in the show I remember something you did around this building which really impressed me. The last time you were here you had to race from here I think to a radio interview or whatever. There were a lot of girls in the office who were clamouring to meet you and get an autograph and a photograph and so forth. You said I can't do it now, I've got to get to 3AW. You left and I mean that happens a hell of a lot and you think, Oh yeah you know, we'll never see him again. And you came back, did an hour and a half going around signing photographs and the whole thing. What I'm getting to is, Why did you charge them?
Ronn: I gotta make a living too.
Bert: Yeah. I guess so.
Ronn: You think I do these for free?
Bert: Do you do that at every venue that you appear at?
Ronn: Pretty much yeah. I can get quite a wad you know when I go home.
Bert: Sorry?
Ronn: I can, Let me rephrase that (LOL) I mean a guy's gotta make a living you know.
Bert: You look so, so good. I mean I personally know how old you are and you look …
Ronn: Well you know there's a lot of work goes into something like that as you know. I mean last night when your hair cam off and all, which was quite unexpected. I didn't have any idea you wore a toupee (Bert looks like he's biting his tongue trying not to bust out laughing) Ummm I too have kind of a similar situation.
Bert: Well obviously you wouldn't want your own hair to grow like that would you?
Ronn: No this ….
Bert: Oh!! I'm sorry. Is that not?? Oh I'm sorry that is yours??
Ronn: This is my hair. Thank you for noticing
Bert: Oh Ronn I do beg your pardon. I meant nothing by it.
Ronn: I have this sort of situation with my teeth actually. I have a similar sort of thing that you have with your hair.
Bert: Yeah! Could I ask you a very personal question? You don't have to answer it.
Ronn: You want to know what it is?
Bert: Have you had any work done at all? You don't appear to have but I mean but it seems that every American star ..
Ronn: Plastic surgery type of?
Bert: Well a little bit. I mean, it's rife here in Australia. A lot of people have asked me to have some but I won't have it until such time as Kerri Anne (Kennerley) and Paul Hogan have it done. (LOL Kerri Anne just recently had it done and Paul Hogan is notorious for it LOL). I think it's best to wait. You know what I mean?
Ronn: Yeah. No. People are always asking me if I've had plastic surgery and I actually did have my credit cards cut off once (LOLOLOL!!!)
Bert: Yeah. Yeah. That's the extent is it?
Ronn: That's the extent pretty much yeah.
Bert: You're here for … You're doing some venues here. You're doing the concert tour, the Gold Coast at Jupiters Casino on Saturday 9th September. You're gonna be here a hell of a long time aren't you? Oh is this promoting?
Ronn: No I'm gonna be here for a week promoting the tour in September.
Bert: Oh okay. Then in Melbourne you're going to be at Crown Casino Monday 6th September and Tuesday 7th September. This is this year?
Ronn: Yeah.
Bert: Then in Sydney at the Star City Casino Friday 10th September, Saturday …………You know you and I could never do a show together.
Ronn: This is shameless isn't it!! (they are both laughing)
Bert: Because I look at you and I want to laugh immediately (both laughing) Tickets on sale Wednesday 28th April.
Bert: Can I ask you seriously, With a thing like Bold and the Beautiful which is ever since your visit is getting even bigger figures (huh??) when you went into it did you realise that it was going to be such a success?
Ronn: Ah no. No I had no idea. I was going to start this show and maybe be done with it in a couple of years and much to my chagrin they kept me on for 17 years.
Bert: Is it 17 years now? That is quite amazing. I mean it's a long time isn't it.
Ronn: I know. I mean you wouldn't think that quality television (LOL) could have that longevity/
Bert: And stay for all those 17 years.
Ronn: Do people know that you're actually kidding most of the time?
Bert: Well I was going to ask you the same question.
Ronn: I'm starting to wonder if I should laugh after I say things just
Bert: No one else has ever done that to me in the past. Why should you be the first.
Bert: How's the music going Ronn? Cause I know that's pretty important in your life.
Ronn: It's going pretty well. I'm working on the new batch of stuff and that's what we're gonna sort of debut when we come back in September.
Bert: Is that the first love? Your music?
Ronn: Yeah.
Bert: That's how you started out isn't it?
Ronn: Yeah I was just telling this guy how we used to play in county psychiatric wards when I was a kid. That was my beginning like 13 years old, 14 years old. We would play in hospital psychiatric wards because uh see everybody's like uh
Ronn: I'm actually telling the truth now (laughing)
Bert: What they suggested when you were in hospital what you should be doing?
Ronn: It was Ward D. You know people would come in in their gowns and stuff and start stripping off naked in front of us and start dancing and I had them dancing to these songs. In England they had this show called The Wombles from years ago and I'd have them singing Womble songs stripping off their gowns in Ward D. In the back room there'd be guys with big leather straps going like this you know being held down with this pussycat look on their faces. You know they could do some damage.
Bert: Singing?
Ronn: No we didn't have them singing per se but they wheeled everybody in to watch us but that was sort of my beginning in music.
Bert: And you asked me whether I'm kidding. Is that true?
Ronn: Well it prepared me for coming on and doing a show like this.
Bert: Yeah sure I suppose it has. Is that a true story?
Ronn: Yeah and we did all the juvenile hall things.
Bert: And do you write music too?
Ronn: Yeah
Bert: Enjoy that?
Ronn: I think I'm dying to show you what's going on with my teeth.
Bert: You what?
Ronn: It's kind of an intimate moment to share here
Bert: Oh make yourself at home. Put your foot on the table if you want (he already has one boot on the coffee table and puts the other one up as well LOL)
Bert: What, what's the thing with the teeth.
Ronn: Umm I have this sort of a situation with ah these are not my teeth.
Bert: Oh really.
Ronn: So I wanted to take my teeth out and show you what's really going on.
Bert: Sure yeah.
Ronn: So I'll just (turns away)
Bert: Well that's … okay stand by folks. Please sit down because you could be in hysterics any moment. (Ronn faces the camera and he's wearing big buck teeth with a gap in the middle. Do any of you Aussies know who Chad Morgan is?? Because RM reminds me of him. LOL!!! I wonder if those are the teeth that he wore at the Boomerang Awards and kissed Winsor Harmon (Thorne) with (or should I say Winsor kissed him). It sure looks like them. LOLOL)
Bert: Oh that looks good. Just have a close up. I mean that, that. Do you know there's an old thing, well not an old thing …
Ronn: The thing I wear (his real teeth LOL) covers these up real nice doesn't it?
Bert: Yeah. A lot of experts say that those people who have a large gap in their teeth are very, very sexually motivated.
Ronn: That's, that's … You hit it right. I'll buy it.
Bert: So you slept along last night?
Ronn: I did but tonight could be different. I think if I just wear these. Like, go natural?
Bert: Yeah sure. You're not doing Ernie Sigley's radio show this afternoon are you? (Ernie Sigley is a well loved entertainer who has a big gap in his front teeth LOL) cause he'll think you're having a go at him. He's got the great thing there (pointing to teeth).
Ronn: He got the little deliverance vibe happening?
Bert: I can just hear someone saying, Matilda come in. Ronn Moss is on. You should see him in real life … the teeth. (laughing)
Ronn: But people are always interested in what I'm like in real life and this is kind of it. It makes me talk like this for some reason (he's picked up a southern accent and sounds like a country yokel. LOL)
Bert: I know that you've got earrings on too. I know one ….
Ronn: Yeah it adds to the thing you know. I figure the earrings and the teeth.
Bert: .. your left side is straight and right side is gay so
Ronn: Let's not get into that Bert.
Bert: No. No. Well you certainly won't with me.
Ridge: I thought that was a bandana..
Bert: No that's ah yeah fine. I don't know whether to shake your hand or give you a kiss. LOL!!! But it's interesting. Are you married?
Ronn: I was.
Bert: Yeah?
Ronn: Yeah.
Bert: Do we know HIM?? (laughing)
Ronn: Ah not yet but ..
Bert is cracking up so hard.
Bert: You've got no idea how that looks.
Ronn: You're going to get me in big trouble here.
Bert: No, not at all. Can I just do the dates again or would you like to do the dates seeing as you're wearing those teeth.
Ronn reads out the dates.
Bert: You're doing an accent for some reason.
Ronn: (deadpan) What accent?
Bert: Well you're all Down South now for some reason.
Ronn: (Deadpan) Is that an accent?
Bert: Well of course it is.
Ronn: someone came up and said, I love your accent. I went, Thank you. You want to come up to my room?
Bert: Yeah fair enough. Just do …
(Ronn finishes off reading out tour dates in his accent)
Bert: Let me just mention, Get along and see the show cause this is no indication of what he'll do for you. Ah he's (Ronn takes out teeth) No leave them. Oh leave them in. I love em.
Ronn: (puts teeth back in) I feel better. Now I don't feel like I have to hide this.
Bert: Anyway get along and see Ronn at those venues because Ronn is one hell of a guy. He loves to meet his fans … and this is no kidding. His show is a lot of comedy, a lot of great music and also tells you a lot about The Bold and The Beautiful and signs things afterwards.